mmmmm… attack ads…

February 20th, 2012  |  Published in Democracy, Featured, head2head, Logan Clark, Politics, Rupert Common

Who needs democracy when you can have Mitt “Rambo” Romney?

By: Logan Clark

Logan Clark

We’ve supposedly come a long way from the days of Rome, where slaves fought each other to sate the bloodlust of cheering crowds. But we modernfolk still sometimes get that primordial jonesing to see others torn to pieces for everyone’s amusement. But where to turn to see such volumes of viscera? Such bounties of bowels?

Democracy of course! In particular $uperPAC $crilla funded attack ads. They are awesome. If you can imagine our great nation as a person, unlimited contributions to attack ad producing $uperPACs are like heroin. They make us feel ssoooooo gooooooood and there is practically no down side whatsoever to using it! Now stay with me here, as this analogy can be brought to the next level. Say our NationPerson has something that is of value to some, but not too much value: like your mother’s jewelry or an infant, for example. In our analogy that would be something like government transparency or the general health of our democratic institutions. We could sell that nearly worthless item and get more $uperPAC-oin! Yippee!

Now here’s a great example of an attack ad (also above) and one of my faves: Rick Santorum has been spreading it through Michigan in advance of next Tuesday’s primary. It’s a self-hating attack ad that decries the use of attack ads! Such conflict! It just means that there’s great opportunity for character development over the course of its 30 second duration. At first it’s like “Mitt Romney is a just big meanie.” But then at the end it’s all: “Watch out Mitt, because you might just get A HEAVY DOSE OF SURGING SANTORUM.” Don’t tread on me, indeed! This was an attack ad that was so amazing that Megadeth frontman Dave Mustaine instantly endorsed Santorum after viewing it. This was the biggest shake up in the race since Kelly Clarkson endorsed Ron Paul.

So anyway, long story short, attack ads, like heroin, make us a whole lot cooler and better. Remember when the Red Hot Chili Peppers used to do heroin? They were PHENOMENAL! Now look at them! Monarchy of Roses? Seriously? We don’t want to be like those guys.


Sounds like politics to me

By: Rupert Common

Rupert Common

Heroin doesn’t make you cooler. There is not a single person I know who thinks heroin makes you cooler, except you, and I only know you through internet debating. Is this even a head2head? What is your argument? It would have been nice if you had defined what you were talking about and not used dollar signs in your writing.

To clear things up, a “$uperpac $crilla funded attack ad” is a televised smear campaign financed by a political action committee. These committees are not officially affiliated with political figures but raise money to support politicians’ runs for office. These negative ads can include false information, which makes other politicians look bad.

Sounds like politics to me. What it doesn’t sound like is gladiatorial combat or the type of thing that sates bloodlust. For that, most people watch game shows that force un-athletic contestants through dangerous obstacle courses, or the UFC, which pits two fighters against each other inside an octagon of chain fencing.

If we are to take your voice seriously, then you believe a well done attack ad can earn politicians the endorsement of American idols and that this improves their chances of winning. If you are being facetious, which I hope you are, your point is that these ads are a detriment to the health of democratic institutions. It took a lot of work to drag those conclusions from the text. Maybe you should stop hyper-linking and try normal-linking, which involves connecting thoughts together to form a cohesive argument.

Politics hasn’t changed much since Rome fell. The good guys get stabbed by the bad guys and the majority of common folk are too busy watching men fight to make an educated decision.

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